they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
