just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
