why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
