Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
