I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
