I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
