a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
