fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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