I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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