i think my mom watched the whole time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
