The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Houston, we have a squirter
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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