Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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