I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it hurts more in the daytime
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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