just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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