Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i would punch a child for taco bell
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
