Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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