Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
