Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Holy shit dude........stairs
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