Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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