So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
