Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
