Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
