Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
