I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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