I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
