in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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