I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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