Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
