yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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