$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
