so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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