Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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