So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
