Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
