i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
