Moan for me like Helen Keller
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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