I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
