Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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