"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
