"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
