Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
