this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
