Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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