i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
