On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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