I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
