I queefed so loud it echoed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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