I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
