What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you made out with another girl for some wings
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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