i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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