Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
