I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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