hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
