He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
