so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
