2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
