I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
