my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
