i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
