My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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