Will you blow on my dice?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
