Pappa wants mamma naked
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
