Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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