She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
