im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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